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ONLY ONE MORE DAY

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     It's only one more day. One more day without him. One more day without his smile, his laughter, his dirty socks in the couch cushions, empty Dorito bags in the bathroom (yes, the bathroom).      Eight years ago my world was changed for all eternity. My sweet son, Robbie, gone.      I remember the moment I knew something was wrong. It was in the air as I walked up the steps. It was goosebumps on my skin as I stood in the doorway. There are so many things I remember but don't want to, and so many things I don't that I wish I could have back.      So now I have a new normal. Dreams sometimes bless me with his presence, younger or 16 year old versions, but never older. Last night I cried while watching a show, flashing ahead to future views of the characters' lives, children, laughter, playing, together. I will never know what he could have become. I will never hold his babies in my arms, snuggle them, kiss away their bo...
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Two weeks of vacation sit in my periphery. Two much needed weeks of time to simply let down after a hectic, wonderful, ultra-busy July (and June, and really a full year of 'retirement'). Yesterday, I began my drive home one day earlier than originally planned from 'up north'. A full week of riding and camping at one of my favorite vacation spots, followed by nearly a week with beautiful friends on Burt Lake, riding Northern Michigan trails (and non-trails), kayaking the Sturgeon, eating and laughing and snuggling with oversized lapdogs. But, I was ready to be home. I missed my donkeys and my usually standoffish kitty, Sassy. I missed my house, the wind chimes on my front porch, and the feels of 'home'. I'd been away from my husband, and wanted to wake up on my birthday beside him, so after an easy pack and load, I started down 75 South for what should have been an easy three hour trip. Thirty miles down the steep and winding road, something blew in my tr...
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IF I WERE A HORSE...EMOTIONAL REGULATION AND ALL THE THINGS!

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It's been a rough couple of weeks around here if I'm being totally honest. Covid. Fallout symptoms of exhaustion and a heaviness in my lungs and chest that keep my 'to do list' out of attainment. I am not a person who enjoys idling when there are so many things I love.  Yesterday happened. Everything was 'fine', in that nothing was really wrong...but there I sat, crying on the couch because a familiar website morphed before my eyes into a new display. Not a big deal...except, it suddenly was more than I could take.  It was the final thing, sent me over the top. Off the edge. My body shook. Tears wouldn't stop. Whatever energy reserve I had fizzled away, leaving me empty and depleted. Similar reactions had been happening in less dramatic versions the last few days, but yesterday was top notch meltdown. Eventually, I recovered, got my ducks in a row, so to speak, and moved on with other things. I took care of some less physically strenuous tractor/pasture work...
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