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ONLY ONE MORE DAY

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     It's only one more day. One more day without him. One more day without his smile, his laughter, his dirty socks in the couch cushions, empty Dorito bags in the bathroom (yes, the bathroom).      Eight years ago my world was changed for all eternity. My sweet son, Robbie, gone.      I remember the moment I knew something was wrong. It was in the air as I walked up the steps. It was goosebumps on my skin as I stood in the doorway. There are so many things I remember but don't want to, and so many things I don't that I wish I could have back.      So now I have a new normal. Dreams sometimes bless me with his presence, younger or 16 year old versions, but never older. Last night I cried while watching a show, flashing ahead to future views of the characters' lives, children, laughter, playing, together. I will never know what he could have become. I will never hold his babies in my arms, snuggle them, kiss away their bo...
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IF I WERE A HORSE...EMOTIONAL REGULATION AND ALL THE THINGS!

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It's been a rough couple of weeks around here if I'm being totally honest. Covid. Fallout symptoms of exhaustion and a heaviness in my lungs and chest that keep my 'to do list' out of attainment. I am not a person who enjoys idling when there are so many things I love.  Yesterday happened. Everything was 'fine', in that nothing was really wrong...but there I sat, crying on the couch because a familiar website morphed before my eyes into a new display. Not a big deal...except, it suddenly was more than I could take.  It was the final thing, sent me over the top. Off the edge. My body shook. Tears wouldn't stop. Whatever energy reserve I had fizzled away, leaving me empty and depleted. Similar reactions had been happening in less dramatic versions the last few days, but yesterday was top notch meltdown. Eventually, I recovered, got my ducks in a row, so to speak, and moved on with other things. I took care of some less physically strenuous tractor/pasture work...
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Melancholy Morning

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Even as 2024 taught me the power of prioritizing joy, so much so in fact that I have vowed to pursue this goal even deeper in 2025, there are still days where I feel life weighing upon my heart. This morning, as I enjoyed my morning ritual of coffee, word puzzles, and snuggles with Frankie in my little couch nest, a wave of melancholy washed over me.  I know it stems from grief.  I know it will always be with me, a lesson that solidified during my time with Becky Howell of Equine-led Holistic Success (formerly Meeting Place Equine). I stood in the barn aisle, listening to my body, asking my shoulder where and why the tension originated from. (Yes, I was initially rolling my eyes behind my closed lids...until I heard my body respond.) First, the word pain. I was stunned. Astonished. I'd truly only complied with Becky's directions, never expecting results from what I thought was a too hooey-hooey ask even for me!  And then, as I listened with a slightly more open mind, my s...
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