Kristine E. Brickey

...BUT IT IS SO MUCH MORE! It's Robbie's blue hat, one of the few things I have of his. I wear it, and feel him with me when I need it most. I feel him watching over me, especially when I need it most. This morning, I readied to go out for chores, grabbed my quilted flannel shirt off the hook, and reached for the blue hat. I always hang it on the hook above the flannel. I grabbed for it without having to look, but no hat. Slight moment of panic, but this has happened before. It is exactly why I now ALWAYS hang it on the hook. Deep breath. Calm yourself, Kristine. My hand reaches into the deep front pocket of the flannel (second storage spot). Nothing. The other pocket is searched. Nada. Panic. "I can't find my blue hat!" Chad turns from where he is standing in the kitchen. He knows it is more than a knit cap that keeps my head warm in winter.  Frantic, I rush into our coatroom, searching the cubbies, the hanging jackets and coats, their pockets, even though I know

Recently, a number of friends reached out to share a post written by a former friend and business acquaintance. Each person who brought it to my attention did so with the best of intentions. They were angry for me, wanting to protect me, and hoping to keep me aware in case of future, well, attacks is the best way to phrase it. Their love and caring was much appreciated. I should have simply left it there, but I made the mistake of reading the post anyway. As I read, my muscle memory brought me back into the feelings of sadness, betrayal, and disappointment that ultimately led me to disassociate from the author of the post. It would have been incredibly easy to fall back into a pit of negativity, to feed the desire to defend myself, or follow the urge to point out the falsehoods being revived. For a few minutes, I'll admit, these were all pulling my fingers toward the keys; but, as my heart raced and my blood pressure rose, I paused. Responding was not going to resolve the break or

I've needed to write this piece for weeks. It's evaded me, my pen, slipping away like smoke in the wind until this morning. I heard the words, replayed the segment three times to make sure I heard it correctly, felt the rightness of it. Reached for my writing tools. Finally. Grey's Anatomy . Season 4: Episode 9- "This day, this day, you feel helpless...this day makes you grateful you have a chance to do anything at all. Take it in."  Robbie died May 16, 2010. Suddenly. Unexpectedly. Near the end of Grey's Anatomy , the season with the mass hospital shooter stalking McDreamy and doctors and surgeons.  After Robbie's funeral and all that roiled around in association with that terrible, awful, horrible time, a friend warned me off watching the remaining episodes of that season of  Grey's , possibly my favorite show. She had watched the episodes she knew I dvr'd. She did not want me to witness death after death, gunshots, bullets, and blood. There was

Last November I decided to stop traditional Pressure/Release training (R-) and move to full Positive Reinforcement (R+) with Cappy. This set Cappy's progress back a few weeks as I gave him the choice to say No, and he took his time making sure I meant it. Since then, I've done most of his work at Liberty: sans halter, no lead rope, just us on this new journey of learning and becoming a true team.  Despite how far Cappy has come, one thing I have noticed is that even though he now chooses the halter, when I work him with it on, whether a lead rope is on or off, Cappy's anxiety initially rises. Why does this happen? Though I can't know for sure (Oh, wouldn't it be wonderful if he could whisper his secrets into my ear!), I believe it comes from his past experiences.  He lived wild until he was around ten years old. BLM aged him at 7 when rounded, but I believe he is a bit older. Within a month he was branded, gelded, and soon after sold with Cinder and a few other wild

Wrote this piece during MMWG this morning based on the phrases in the 'title' above and thought I would share. It's been suggested that I write a book based on the horses I've known in my life. Hmm...might just be the softer, kinder writing I need to work on as I fight my way through the current tougher, emotionally challenging memoir and non-fiction projects.  What do you think? Would you be interested in reading about my equine friends? Please let me know in the comments! Stick ponies, Red Cowboy Boots, & Happy Trails   Stick ponies were never my thing growing up, because I had Johnny, and Charlie, and Shadow and Taffy, and finally, my own, my very own horse, Buck. Without much energy I can recall perfectly the moment I first saw my sweet buckskin Quarter Horse. We’d gone to meet the other equine, a flashy 7/8ths Arab named Joe. Silvery sheen, black dappled flanks, and wide circle eyes flashing white…definitely not the best match for my ten year old self. But his

 This piece came from a prompt taken out of Barbara Kingsolver's “The Bean Trees.”            But what if you can’t find them? They were here somewhere. Words whispered inside my dream. Brushing my face, a breeze warming my skin, a tickle as hairs blew wispy across my neck. Resting against the leafy maple’s trunk, eyes closed, words had arrived, breathed in with the scent of blooming lilacs. Unnoticed for one breath; snapping synapses alert with the next.  Eyes open. Searching. Worrying the words had wafted away into sky blue vastness overhead.  Seeking. Almost frantic. Feeling the words slide further away the harder I searched. Like holding a plume of smoke in my hands. Impossible.            What if I couldn’t find them? A choice made. Deciding to be only in the moment. I settled again, closing my eyes, breathing in, opening myself to the floating words. Inviting them to return, acknowledging their right to say no.   If not today, then perhaps tomorrow or the next.  They would ma

The moon beckons to me where I lay sleeping. Thousands of miles between us, yet I feel its pull, drawing me out of bed this early morning hour. Where darkness should reign, moonlight rules. Unable to resist, I push up the window's covering, and kneel upon the couch to soak in the scene. Trees still bare with wintery hibernation, grass only recently greened, unfarrowed fields as far as my eyes can see; all are at the mercy of the full moon's colorization, bright yet somehow black and white.  My eyes fill with tears, and I do not brush them away as they stream down my cheeks, leaving evidence upon my cotton pajama top. The last weeks have me overwhelmed with love and joyful things, tears often appearing from seemingly nowhere, my voice quaking as my jaw quivers with emotion. I fear bringing words to the feelings, superstitiously awaiting the jinxing of my open and honest admission of happiness. I became Grandma. Held my daughter's daughter in my arms. Sending me back thirty p

 It was the agreement we made. He was supposed to live forever, or at least as long as I did. But today, February 27, 2023 at 12:30 p.m. I had to let my sweet Nick go to greener pastures.  He was the best donkey, his presence here on my little farm all Robbie's idea to keep Snickers company. Those who know me well probably remember that I first met Nick the day my son died, that Robbie was supposed to meet me at Turning Pointe Donkey Rescue that day so we could meet Nick together. But Robbie never made it there, and then my world fell apart.  About a month later, I brought Nick home. He had been terribly abused, nearly starved to death when TPDR's then president found him tied to a post inside a burned out barn in Shipshewana. Physically, he was improved, but emotionally and mentally Nick was still broken, wary, afraid, and cautious.  Today, I laid in the barn with my ailing fifty plus year old friend saying good-bye. I remembered moments from our thirteen years together. His h

Anyone else out there a New Amsterdam viewer? No? Guess the show isn't what matters so much as what happened while I watched the most recent episode. I woke early, an ache and discomfort in my neck and shoulders keeping me from falling back to sleep. Figured I would watch the dvr'd episode, one of the final in the final season...one of the best, in my opinion.  So I sat in the dark, television glowing, the only light in the deep dark of a January morning. A group of doctors on a spur of the moment guided hike up a mountain, resulting, of course, in a fall by the guide, life threatening. In the other plot thread, a doctor operates on a dear friend's only son, additionally hampered by life threatening radiation exposure. Life, or death. The hiking doctors must amputate the guide's foot to free her from the boulder pinning her down, in order to save her from certain death as a rock slide is imminent. The heart surgeon must stay to revive the boy's heart while the radia