An Offering

Note: The holidays are not happy and filled with anticipation for many people, particularly for the members of the awful 'Parents who have buried a Child' club. I am not looking for pity or sympathy, but I am hoping this piece, written from the prompt 'an offering' at MMWG last week, will add understanding. I want to love this time of year as I once did, and there are still moments that I feel that feeling. However, then there is this reality. Please share and know there are too many of in this club hosted by Grief.


An offering

Don’t cry. 
He’s in a better place. 
God must have needed him. 

Stupid words from well-meaning people after my son died. Like he was an offering to Heaven. Why anyone thought those phrases would bring me comfort, I will never understand. 

Eight years and six months now my Robbie has been gone, and I still find my heart boarding itself off from feeling too much on an almost daily basis. 

Christmas is coming. 
Thanksgiving next week. 

I have been self-provoking, taunting myself with dares to take on the holidays this year, to stop evading and avoiding. 

This weekend I am pulling out all the stops, putting up the Nativity, the Rudolph stuffies, the snowmen and pine tree craft fair purchases, pre-covered in white Christmasy lights. 

I will offer my heartache to the gods, and snub my nose at grief, in hopes that my boy will come and visit my dreams, wish me Merry Christmas, and push me into another new year. 

Comments

  1. UnknownNovember 20, 2018 at 7:39 PM

    Love this. I wish you and your family a wonderful holiday and always remember Robbie is with you in everything you do and experience He is smiling down on you as you make new holiday memories
    Love you
    Tammy Perkins

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kristine E. BrickeyNovember 21, 2018 at 6:12 AM

      Thank you, Tammy. Robbie checks in with me often, and I feel him in my heart every day. Holidays are hard. Every day without him his hard though. So many people get overwhelmed this time of year, and I hope this piece makes it a bit easier for others to understand.

      My house is decorated. I'm hosting Thanksgiving tomorrow. I smile and laugh every day, love talking about Robbie, and know how lucky I am to have such beautiful people in my life.

      Have a wonderful holiday!

      Delete
  2. UnknownNovember 22, 2018 at 4:19 PM

    Lean on me.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

ONLY ONE MORE DAY

Image
     It's only one more day. One more day without him. One more day without his smile, his laughter, his dirty socks in the couch cushions, empty Dorito bags in the bathroom (yes, the bathroom).      Eight years ago my world was changed for all eternity. My sweet son, Robbie, gone.      I remember the moment I knew something was wrong. It was in the air as I walked up the steps. It was goosebumps on my skin as I stood in the doorway. There are so many things I remember but don't want to, and so many things I don't that I wish I could have back.      So now I have a new normal. Dreams sometimes bless me with his presence, younger or 16 year old versions, but never older. Last night I cried while watching a show, flashing ahead to future views of the characters' lives, children, laughter, playing, together. I will never know what he could have become. I will never hold his babies in my arms, snuggle them, kiss away their bo...
Read more

Miracles of Trust

Image
Unexpected sunshine on a lazy February day. An afternoon of riding Pinckney's trails awaited. Temperate weather had my horses mud encrusted, gleefully rolling in the muckiest of places before drying and baking until done. If I was going to ride, grooming was necessary. I headed outside. Glancing into the middle pasture, I took note of my Mustangs, both napping on the ground, legs curled up beneath them, within ten feet of each other. Cinder's nose actually rested on the ground, her head tipped slightly. She was deep in rest mode, taking full advantage of her mini donkey guardian, Little Red, who stood in the space between his horse companions, alert to any danger. A part of me wanted to tiptoe back into the house and leave them in the warmth of winter sun. Another part wondered...would they let me approach as they lay down, vulnerability high? Just the week before, I had spoken with a friend and trainer about my jealousy when she shared pictures of herself sitting beside her pr...
Read more

Coming to Grips with 'Fair'

Image
Life is not fair. There are always going to be people who figure out how to work the system, find the loopholes, win without actually earning the win.  This makes me a little crazy...and not in my normal, okay if people don't appreciate my crazy, crazy.  I work really hard to achieve my goals. When I do my best, when I know I have done all I could do, and then get beat to the finish, I am okay with the result. It pushes me further in future attempts. However, when I do my best but get beat at the finish because of loopholes, rules being set aside, trickery if you will...it gnaws at me, burns a hole in my calm, wakes me as I mentally twist and turn with the unfairness of it all. Turn the other cheek. Forgive and forget. Let it go. It's what the loophole seekers, the rule benders, the tricksters are hoping for in order to continue their methods, in order to keep nudging out the ones who play by the rules, who ignore bad behavior by others, who take the infamous high road. Seemin...
Read more