Overwhelmed with Love & Joyful Things

The moon beckons to me where I lay sleeping. Thousands of miles between us, yet I feel its pull, drawing me out of bed this early morning hour. Where darkness should reign, moonlight rules. Unable to resist, I push up the window's covering, and kneel upon the couch to soak in the scene. Trees still bare with wintery hibernation, grass only recently greened, unfarrowed fields as far as my eyes can see; all are at the mercy of the full moon's colorization, bright yet somehow black and white. 

My eyes fill with tears, and I do not brush them away as they stream down my cheeks, leaving evidence upon my cotton pajama top. The last weeks have me overwhelmed with love and joyful things, tears often appearing from seemingly nowhere, my voice quaking as my jaw quivers with emotion. I fear bringing words to the feelings, superstitiously awaiting the jinxing of my open and honest admission of happiness.

I became Grandma. Held my daughter's daughter in my arms. Sending me back thirty plus years, to the first time I held my first baby in my arms, my two pound ten ounce miracle. My granddaughter's dark eyes gazed up at me, her body a comforting weight upon my body and soul, and I felt my heart might burst. I watched my daughter as she mothered, and my heart expanded in awe. I watched her and knew that she now understands the depths of a mother's love for her daughter.

My body is exhausted. Working the past weeks to build new fencing has taken a toll. I am not as young as I was for the last project, but I am driven by need. Losing my sweet donkey, Nick, much earlier than feared, has ramped up the timeline to bring Cappy home. Little Red needs a companion, a friend to add security when Cinder and I ride. When I began training him in July, I honestly wasn't sure Cappy would ever become mine. I promised him then that I would not quit on him. I said the words out loud each time I was there. But he has been through so much. Each tiny bit of trust he shows me has been a gift. I do not take his offerings for granted. 

As the moonlit scene outside my front window yields to sunrise, the tears begin again as I reflect on the many beautiful things in my life. Somehow, I have become a trusted partner to two once wild Mustangs, who will be reunited soon because I was patient, persistent, and too stubborn to quit. Soon, I will be able to sit upon my bedroom deck and enjoy my little herd of three, my incredibly supportive partner beside me, our dogs resting beside us, and simply be happy. I imagine my miracle daughter's miracle daughter upon my knee, pointing and giggling at the animals, listening as I tell her stories of her Mommy's antics when she was just a girl, sitting upon my lap, watching her own horses and pups.

The day has now begun in full, pink and lavender embellish the eastern horizon. My heart is full. My cheeks are wet. Acknowledging this peace and contentment cannot jeopardize it. I can finally trust it, fall openly into the feelings. I hadn't even realized I'd been waiting for the other shoe to drop until now. It has been so long since I've been able to embrace the positive, to accept that life can be filled with more light than sadness. 

My soul is overwhelmed with love and joyful things. Amen.