Miracles of Trust

February 16, 2024

Unexpected sunshine on a lazy February day. An afternoon of riding Pinckney's trails awaited. Temperate weather had my horses mud encrusted, gleefully rolling in the muckiest of places before drying and baking until done. If I was going to ride, grooming was necessary.

I headed outside. Glancing into the middle pasture, I took note of my Mustangs, both napping on the ground, legs curled up beneath them, within ten feet of each other. Cinder's nose actually rested on the ground, her head tipped slightly. She was deep in rest mode, taking full advantage of her mini donkey guardian, Little Red, who stood in the space between his horse companions, alert to any danger.

A part of me wanted to tiptoe back into the house and leave them in the warmth of winter sun. Another part wondered...would they let me approach as they lay down, vulnerability high? Just the week before, I had spoken with a friend and trainer about my jealousy when she shared pictures of herself sitting beside her prone horses, something I had never been able to accomplish. Now, here I was with the opportunity presenting itself. All I would have to do is make my way across the yard, through a gate, and across the pasture. Yeah. That's all.

As if reading my thoughts, something I swear these horses are especially talented in, Cappy and Cinder both turned their heads and looked at me. "No worries, sweet Mustangs. You can stay there." Cinder's nose dropped back to rest upon the ground. Cappy stayed put. Red kept guard position as I meandered down the driveway to the gate between the hog barn and studio. There's nothing quiet or sneaky about opening this gate. The first large clip clanged as I unhooked it, the attached chain making extra noise as it hit the metal post. Even louder, the circle of links I keep draped around the top as extra security were impossible to disguise as I lifted them up and over before stepping into the pasture and once again closing the gate.

Red still stood between Cinder and Cappy, knowing I held no threat. As I had expected, Cappy stretched and stood as soon as I began walking from the gate in their direction. Not panicked, not afraid, in fact, taking his time to stretch out a cramp in his left hind leg before turning to me and ambling over. Cappy walks to greet me nearly every time I come outside. It makes my heart light up, even when I am attempting to recline beside his resting thousand pounds.

Cinder, however, stayed where she lay, though her head lifted as Cappy reached me, nuzzling my hand with his big white muzzle, his little mustache colic tickling my knuckles. Scratching his cheek, I moved to his left side, finding his favorite neck and wither spots before I made my way toward my mare. I couldn't help but wonder if Cappy and Red would bring Cinder up on her feet before I even had a chance to get closer. Aside from times where she'd rolled while on lead after a ride, and a few times in the pasture, I hadn't been able to reach her as she lay down.

This day, however, was different. Cinder watched me close the distance, her eyes almond shaped, bottom lip loose, no wrinkles or tightness in her mouth, nostrils long. She was relaxed. "Hello, sweet girl." I whispered because my voice struggled to find its way out of my throat as my boots stopped directly in front of Cinder. Softly, I knelt down, rubbing the white whorl on her forehead, barely noticing as moisture from the ground cooled my knees. Tears caught in my chest as I caressed her cheeks, as I found her favorite spot behind her ears and she angled her head to better meet her need for scratching.

Beyond overwhelmed, I gently sat down in front of her, leaned back against her chest, and lost my struggle to hold back tears as she dropped her head over my left shoulder and released a sigh. I could have died right there and been happy. Blathering sweet words to this amazing Mustang who has been with me not quite three years, I leaned into her trusting nine hundred pound body and reveled in the wonder of what was happening in these blissful moments. Red wandered over, and I pet him with my right hand while keeping my left on Cinder, not a hundred percent sure this was truly happening.

Cautiously, I pulled my phone from my flannel pocket, trying to snap a few pictures and sending a giddy text to Chad. 'I hope you can see what is happening right now!' It did not matter that I was sitting in a combination of dirt, mud, dried manure, and dampness. It did not matter if my horse was muddy. It did not matter if I was late getting to Monks Road to ride.

All that mattered was this moment, the exuberance of feeling the trust Cinder was gracing me with as we nestled together on the ground. I continued rubbing and scratching her neck, even rolling onto my knees to move around her body, talking and massaging as I moved to her side, to her rump, and around to her right. Praising her, telling her how much I love her, how happy I am to have her in my life, to have the relationship I had only ever dreamed possible, I stepped over her body with my left leg and rested upon my Mustang mare. I only stayed a few seconds, before moving back to sit beside her once again on the ground.

Eventually I stood and Cinder rose with me, following me, choosing me. The rest of the day was lovely, our ride relaxing and peaceful; but nothing will ever come close to the feeling of my back against her chest, the sun shining upon us on a miraculous afternoon.