Coming to Grips with 'Fair'

Life is not fair. There are always going to be people who figure out how to work the system, find the loopholes, win without actually earning the win. 

This makes me a little crazy...and not in my normal, okay if people don't appreciate my crazy, crazy. 

I work really hard to achieve my goals. When I do my best, when I know I have done all I could do, and then get beat to the finish, I am okay with the result. It pushes me further in future attempts.

However, when I do my best but get beat at the finish because of loopholes, rules being set aside, trickery if you will...it gnaws at me, burns a hole in my calm, wakes me as I mentally twist and turn with the unfairness of it all.

Turn the other cheek.

Forgive and forget.

Let it go.

It's what the loophole seekers, the rule benders, the tricksters are hoping for in order to continue their methods, in order to keep nudging out the ones who play by the rules, who ignore bad behavior by others, who take the infamous high road.

Seemingly without consequences aside from the silent consternation of the ones they steal from and scoff at as they take hold of their 'wins', those people move on with their lives. 

I am tired of 'letting it go', of witnessing terrible people who have assaulted my deepest core of wellness being given a pass, of tricksters being handed the first place ribbons. 

Yet, I know I cannot to be like them. I cannot eviscerate another person, sneak and trick my way to win,  smirk, and go on with life. 

I don't know how those people live with their actions, yet they laugh and smile and continue to have full access to hurting people. 

Toxic. 

There are rules and there will always be rule breakers. They will justify their actions, claim 'you can't blame me for finding a way around the rules', and move on to the next victim.

Narcissistic.

The last decade has shown me the raw pain of life's unfairness. Yet in the darkest moments of my grief and pain and terror, who I am at the core stayed true. 

As did 'theirs'! Even with the best (worst) of excusing circumstances to wash away my actions, I did not lash out. I did not expose their evil. It was there for everyone to witness. I left it there and fought on to hold myself and others together. Knowing I 'lost' isn't the same as knowing I wasn't beat. I did not get beat if someone had to be sneaky and crawl to first place through a loophole.

Fair had nothing to do with it. 

Maybe that's why I am drawn to R+ training, based on a foundation of choice and the horse's mental wellness, to offering fairness and the need for full connection to reach goals...to win as a team, no loopholes, no sneaking around to beat someone else. 

Just me and my horses, working together, listening and doing our best. Playing. Healing. Growing. Supporting and seeking more. Fair. Always, always, always, being fair to each other as we push for the next win.

Life is not fair.

Horses are, always. 

People should be. 

In the meantime, I guess I try my best to come to grips with the unfairness life continues to offer. I will lean into the fair places, fair people, and the fairness offered by my horses.

I will prioritize the places I find joy.

You can find me there.