Hawks Return

My hawk came home today. It's been months since I saw him, since I'd seen any, really. I've been missing my hawks, signs that Robbie is checking in with me. Some people might think that it's crazy, but since my brother died on February 5th, I haven't seen a hawk. Not in my yard. Not in trees along the sides of the highways. Nowhere.

May is hard. The hardest, if there is one, of all the months. It's more of a roller coaster, super wonderful days to remember, mixed with the worst of my life. So, it's harder.

This year, this stupid, sucky, should have been the coolest year (what with 2020 and all it held in anticipation), has instead brought a decade marker of Robbie's death, the death of my only brother, the Corona 19 virus and isolation, and because this wasn't all enough, murder hornets.

Seriously? Murder hornets? Yup.

And, no hawks in sight. It might seem crazy with everything else, but no hawks made it all even harder to handle. Where was my boy, when I needed him so much? Friends tried to reason: the hawks are nesting, you're just driving less so unable to spot them, etc.

Nope. Wasn't buying it.

I worried. I cried. I imagined my son and my brother together. I imagined Robbie taking care of Dave, helping him make the transition from this world to theirs. Two of my favorite men, gone from me, a decade apart, lost together, directing each other, watching from above as we all lost our hearts again here.

But, there's no way to know, really.

Today, I walked out into the chilly sunshine of morning. Before I left the garage, I took a deep breath and thought of my Robbie.

I stepped out with a smile on my face, and there was my hawk. Circling overhead, close enough that the white underside was stark against the bluebonnet sky, my hawk drifted above me.

Standing in my driveway, arms filled with equine feed, I cried and laughed as I watched the majestic hawk, red tail catching the sunlight. "Where have you been?" I wouldn't have been surprised if it had landed on the corner fencepost to watch me. It's done it before. "I've missed you!"

Yes, I was standing in my driveway talking to the hawk. As I stood there, another hawk joined the first, two hawks, hovering over my home, coasting on the wind. They stayed overhead. I stayed in the driveway, smiling and crying. "Take care of each other." I blinked, and they were gone, lost in the clouds. There and then not there. But, I know they'll be back. I know they're watching, keeping an eagle eye on me, ready when I need them most.

My hawk came home today, and he brought another, too.

My two angels are watching, gliding the Heavens together.