Reflection

One week into 2021, the year that everyone, including me, seemed to be rooting for as an easier route than 2020, and I find myself already needing to reflect and focus upon what really matters. 

As I sit in my dark office, I am hoping that the certified electrician shows up sooner rather than later. You see, yesterday afternoon we had another recurrence of 'electrical problems or haunted house' issues. The fridge and stove went off. Dryer wouldn't work. Then, fridge and stove came back to life, but stove wouldn't produce any heat. The basement lights dimmed, came back, repeat. Then a new symptom...no water was coming out of the sinks anywhere in the house. Ahh, the added joy of being electrically dependent upon electricity to run the home's well. (Electrical...for sure.)

Chad reported an outage to Consumers. They responded it would be a few hours, but then about an hour later, everything went back to full powered functioning. Red hot stovetop burners. Dryer spinning my wet clothes around. Water surging from the taps. That was about the exact time the Consumer's truck pulled into our driveway and the truly wonderful man told us that Consumers hadn't done anything yet and he was going to take a look around. (Haunting...for sure.)

Excellent. But, wait!

"I've got good news and not so good news." Words you're not sure you really want to hear from the guy in charge of your house's power source when you have animals to care for, dinner on the stove, and visiting adult children who would probably appreciate a working bathroom system.

As I neared the power pole in our yard, I could already smell the burning rubber/wire from the meter control. In the end, my seriously new favorite Consumer's guy had to cut power completely to the north side of the house since the fat tube of electrical magic was fried. At least he could leave the south working, but minimally as possible. Of course, the well pump? Yup. North side.

Here's the thing. I had a little bit of a meltdown. I think I earned it. The last year has really been more than slightly challenging, as those of you who know me well understand. I went to my bedroom at 8:15, apologizing, but knowing I needed for the day to be done. As dozens of WTFF thoughts fought to overwhelm me, I got beneath my new fuzzy soft comforter and read until my eyes couldn't stay open and I went to sleep.

This morning I woke up, let the dogs out, brewed coffee (thank goodness we had a jug of drinking water in the car), and as I walked through the dining room I saw that my bare orchid had bloomed during the night. It is the same orchid that a dear friend gifted me almost a year ago when my brother died. 

Big, 

perfect, 

white speckled with deep pink 

blooming orchid petals met me this morning. 

Then, I was greeted by these two goofy, loving donkey faces on my Facebook memory and I realized I needed to write. 

You see, I learned during my grieving process that making it through the first year of loss didn't make the second year easier or better in any true way. What I realized in a devastatingly painful, awful, real-life lesson was that the second was even harder because I had anticipated it being not as hard. BOOM. Guess what? My heart screamed at me. Robbie is still gone. It didn't matter that I had made it through his first birthday without him, because there was another, and another, and my lifetime of another such birthdays in my future. Same for all of the other 'firsts', too.

But, what I also learned is that there are sweet donkey faces, blooming orchid surprises, and so many more amazing moments that are worth fighting to make it through all of the rest.

2021 is simply the second in this situation. Yes, I made it through 2020 and all the ugly it directed my way, but that does not mean that there won't be rough patches in 2021.

The crunch of work truck tires on my icy drive announces that the electrician has arrived, before 9am on a Sunday morning. At some point today, power will be restored to our home, more safely than it probably has been in years. 

The last twenty-four hours have been stressful and probably expensive, but my house didn't burn and my brother sent me an orchid to remind me to look for the beauty in life.