2020 Transitions

     As I move into this new decade, my heart feels like it is shifting, priorities seem to be changing, and goals are sharpening. These are all good things, even as they push me to reevaluate parts of my life. 
     I am struggling a bit with admitting some things to myself. Some parts of my life that have been vital to my healing and survival have softened in my need for them. I'm not sure if I need, no, I'm not sure that I want to continue with some things. 
     I have been questioning, pushing for hard honesty. 

• Does this bring me peace?
• Does the thought of this activity/person/task/goal make me smile or sigh or bring no reaction at all?
• How will my life change with/without this?
• Am I replacing this with other things or do I only need/wish to eliminate it?
• What might the consequences/repercussions be if I make this decision?

     It seems impossible that the world has made it to 2020. It seems impossible that I will hit double fives this year on my birthday. 55. How the hell did that happen? When I was in high school, thirty seemed ancient. Yet, here I am. The years zooming. So many changes, so much pain, so much laughter and love, friends I never could have imagined, as well as friends I never thought I would let go.

     It is the letting go that makes room for more though. This is the idea that makes my brain wrap around what my heart seems to be nagging me to do. I am in the second half of my life. I have been for probably a number of years. Retirement phase. Busier than ever, but with things that I love, despite the frustrations I feel because of my own high standards and desires. 

     This Spring, my creative studio, a.k.a. 'The Brick House', will be finished. Even now, I see it all in my mind. The windows that let in light. Writing nooks. The messy painting area, splashes of color embellishing the walls and flooring in flashy hues of the spectrum. Down the center, a table large enough for a gathering of Creatives; writing retreats; book talks; poetry shares; yoga; flower arranging...who knows! The staircase leading into this new favorite place is painted with books and butterflies, guiding people upward to discover what they may. This space will absorb my time, demand my attention in a way that I am eager to hand over to what may come. 

     Transitioning into this, other things need to break away, make space. I already know the answers, though I am not quite ready, fearing what others will think, worrying not about the loss of a thing but of the people immersed within those things. 

     I imagine the years ahead, and that there will be future transitions necessary for multiple reasons. While I am able, it seems important to allow my life to flow as I wish, bringing me the most joy and peace as the river of life carves new boundaries and opportunities. There will always be boulders that change the course of the water, but there are things I am able to control, too. 

     So, here I come, 2020, ready to choose what brings me peace and joy, excitement and contentment, less regret and more elation. Nobody knows what this decade has to offer, or if it might be our last. I resolve to make the most of each day, choose people and things I love, release the things I do not, and find happiness whenever possible. 

     What does this new decade hold in store for you?