AUTHOR HIGHLIGHT: Melanie Hooyenga, 'On Loss and the Anti-Resolutions'
On Loss and the Anti-Resolutions
By Melanie Hooyenga
The new year brings hope and an optimism for better things to come that typically inspires people to overhaul their lives. Cushioned with the word ‘resolution,’ they tell the world they’re going to eat better, exercise more, go to bed earlier, stop drinking, cut out toxic people, focus on self-care, find a new job, and be content with what they have. That’s an exhaustive list, and while it’s all doable—and admirable!—it’s completely unrealistic to change that many things in your life all at once.
The start of a new year is a wonderful time to reflect on things you want to change in your life, but I don’t like resolutions because I feel like if you’re going to make a change, you shouldn’t wait for a particular date on the calendar. Instead of declaring January 1st as The Day I Will Change My Life, why not start tomorrow? Or next Monday, after one final weekend of debauchery? Choosing an uneventful day means you’re less likely to abandon your goals after one slip-up, and there’s usually less standing in your way.
I’ve had the most success with big life changes when I made the decision for myself and didn’t tell anyone until I was a couple weeks in. After my second marriage, I wanted to lose twenty pounds and had started and failed more times than I could count. (I really love beer, wine, and chocolate and my husband’s an excellent cook). Then my dad was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and a tumor was blocking his throat, making it difficult for him to swallow. I quietly decided that while he couldn’t eat pizza and cookies and French fries, I wouldn’t either. I’d only lost five pounds by the time he died two months later, but I stuck with it and lost the twenty pounds—and have kept it off almost six years later.
Watching my mom recover from his rather sudden death put a lot of things into perspective for me. But the biggest thing it taught me is that waiting to start A Big Life Change might mean that you’ll never get around to doing it.
Then my brother and sister were diagnosed with cancer as well. Within three years, they were gone too, and through my grief came a clarity that guides me today.
Now, if I want to try something new, I go for it. If I’m feeling a sudden burst of love for someone, regardless of where they are and what I’m doing, I tell them. If I like a stranger’s dress, I tell her. (Seriously, people love random, non-creepy compliments.) And if there’s something about myself that I’d like to change, I don’t put off until a distant day next winter—I figure out how to make those changes today.
Does this mean I’ve got it all figured out and I always meet my goals? Of course not. Right now, I’m trying to be better about going to bed by eleven and only having one alcoholic drink per day, and so far I am failing miserably. But I keep trying because in the long run I know my body will thank me for it. I remind myself that I need to make the most of every day (and no, that doesn’t mean I get to eat ALL the chocolate) and that I have to believe I can do it or I’ll never stick with it.
Too often people abandon resolutions because the changes are too drastic from their current lifestyle, or because they don’t see results soon enough. It takes at least three weeks to establish a habit, and right after the holidays can be a hard time to eliminate chocolate or start a new workout regimen.
But three weeks from next Thursday? That might be possible.
Melanie Hooyenga is the author of The Rules Series, a YA sports romance series about Colorado girls navigating life and learning to stand up on their own, and The Flicker Effect, a YA contemporary time travel trilogy about a teen who uses sunlight to travel back to yesterday. She has lived in Washington DC, Chicago, and Mexico, but has finally settled down in her home state of Michigan. When not at her day job as Communications Director at a local nonprofit, you can find her wrangling her Miniature Schnauzer Owen and playing every sport imaginable with her husband Jeremy.
She recently published a guided journal called The Book of Good, which encourages users to find the good in each day by writing three good things that happen each day. You can read her non-resolution post at: melaniehoo.com/2020/01/01/2020-the-year-of-being-in-the-moment/
By Melanie Hooyenga
The new year brings hope and an optimism for better things to come that typically inspires people to overhaul their lives. Cushioned with the word ‘resolution,’ they tell the world they’re going to eat better, exercise more, go to bed earlier, stop drinking, cut out toxic people, focus on self-care, find a new job, and be content with what they have. That’s an exhaustive list, and while it’s all doable—and admirable!—it’s completely unrealistic to change that many things in your life all at once.
The start of a new year is a wonderful time to reflect on things you want to change in your life, but I don’t like resolutions because I feel like if you’re going to make a change, you shouldn’t wait for a particular date on the calendar. Instead of declaring January 1st as The Day I Will Change My Life, why not start tomorrow? Or next Monday, after one final weekend of debauchery? Choosing an uneventful day means you’re less likely to abandon your goals after one slip-up, and there’s usually less standing in your way.
I’ve had the most success with big life changes when I made the decision for myself and didn’t tell anyone until I was a couple weeks in. After my second marriage, I wanted to lose twenty pounds and had started and failed more times than I could count. (I really love beer, wine, and chocolate and my husband’s an excellent cook). Then my dad was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and a tumor was blocking his throat, making it difficult for him to swallow. I quietly decided that while he couldn’t eat pizza and cookies and French fries, I wouldn’t either. I’d only lost five pounds by the time he died two months later, but I stuck with it and lost the twenty pounds—and have kept it off almost six years later.
Watching my mom recover from his rather sudden death put a lot of things into perspective for me. But the biggest thing it taught me is that waiting to start A Big Life Change might mean that you’ll never get around to doing it.
Then my brother and sister were diagnosed with cancer as well. Within three years, they were gone too, and through my grief came a clarity that guides me today.
Now, if I want to try something new, I go for it. If I’m feeling a sudden burst of love for someone, regardless of where they are and what I’m doing, I tell them. If I like a stranger’s dress, I tell her. (Seriously, people love random, non-creepy compliments.) And if there’s something about myself that I’d like to change, I don’t put off until a distant day next winter—I figure out how to make those changes today.
Does this mean I’ve got it all figured out and I always meet my goals? Of course not. Right now, I’m trying to be better about going to bed by eleven and only having one alcoholic drink per day, and so far I am failing miserably. But I keep trying because in the long run I know my body will thank me for it. I remind myself that I need to make the most of every day (and no, that doesn’t mean I get to eat ALL the chocolate) and that I have to believe I can do it or I’ll never stick with it.
Too often people abandon resolutions because the changes are too drastic from their current lifestyle, or because they don’t see results soon enough. It takes at least three weeks to establish a habit, and right after the holidays can be a hard time to eliminate chocolate or start a new workout regimen.
But three weeks from next Thursday? That might be possible.
Melanie Hooyenga is the author of The Rules Series, a YA sports romance series about Colorado girls navigating life and learning to stand up on their own, and The Flicker Effect, a YA contemporary time travel trilogy about a teen who uses sunlight to travel back to yesterday. She has lived in Washington DC, Chicago, and Mexico, but has finally settled down in her home state of Michigan. When not at her day job as Communications Director at a local nonprofit, you can find her wrangling her Miniature Schnauzer Owen and playing every sport imaginable with her husband Jeremy.She recently published a guided journal called The Book of Good, which encourages users to find the good in each day by writing three good things that happen each day. You can read her non-resolution post at: melaniehoo.com/2020/01/01/2020-the-year-of-being-in-the-moment/
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