A Decade of Gone

     As I drove into town to run errands, the tears flowed. New Year's Eve. The final day of 2019, the decade that brought my greatest loss. I didn't bother wiping them away. I was in my home town. I might run into people I knew. I might not. It didn't matter.
     I was missing my boy.
     I am always missing my boy.
     2020 will mark ten years without him. A decade of gone. That thought was the catalyst for the tears. Ten. Years. This May, the 16th will arrive and then fade into the past. My boy will still be gone. My heart will still be broken. My memories will roll over me, overwhelm me with laughter and wrenching pain, keeping Robbie's smile fresh and alive even though he is gone.
     As grief swells in my chest, threatening to take over, a red tailed hawk swoops over my car. Laughter breaks the dam of pain, washes away the worst of it, and I wipe the tears as I remember. A decade of gone, but also a decade of Robbie checking in with me, sending me moments to share with him. The white underbelly of the hawk soars away and I smile,
because even though he is gone, Robbie is and always will be with me.